Metamorphosis
by thegoldrabbit
Summary: 19 Kids and Counting / Counting On. Jana and John David Duggar decide that it's time for them to move out of the compound, married or not. Jana tries to create a life for herself that is away from her parent's grasp while still holding onto her ideals and finding out who she really is.


She leaned back in the rocking chair and let the summer breeze float over her. It was a clear night, and the stars sparkled over her head.

"Hey."

Jana turned her head to see John David approaching with two glasses of tea.

"Hey, John."

He handed her a glass and sat down in a chair next to her. They remained quiet for some time, relaxing in the peace and quiet, before John spoke.

"Got a raise today."

Jana smiled. "That's great, John. I'm proud of you."

He shrugged. "It was scheduled. No big deal."

"Still," she said. "You deserve it."

They rocked in silence once more, sipping their tea.

"How were the kids today?"

"You know," Jana sighed. "It's always the same when Mom and Dad are gone."

"I'm sorry I wasn't around to help," he said halfheartedly. Jana laughed.

"Like you could teach the kids anyway! They'd just want to play with you instead of learning."

"Yeah, well..." He laughed with her. John then turned to her, growing more serious. "Is it really that different when Mom and Dad are gone? Seems like you take care of most things around here anyway."

Jana shrugged. "It's easier to teach when Mom takes the younger ones. And it's easier to get things done when they're distracting the kids."

"It's not right, Jana. You shouldn't be running the whole house."

Jana looked at him in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"Don't you wish you had your own home?" He asked. "We're almost 30. It's ridiculous we still live with our parents."

Jana rolled her eyes. "Well it's not like I'm going to get married just so I can move out."

"Who says you have to?"

"Mom and Dad do," she said incredulously. "We're supposed to live with our parents until we get married and start our own home."

"What if it's God's plan that we never get married, though?" he asked. "Why are we putting our lives on hold if it's not meant to be? Look at Joy. She's ten years younger than us and she has more of an adult life than we do." He sat back and sighed. "I'm just tired of it. Waiting around. All the questions of when we're going to court. Maybe if I moved out it would make things easier."

"You're an adult already, John," Jana said. "You have a job, you make your own money."

"And I still sleep in a room with my teenage brother."

Jana shrugged. "I don't know, John. If you want to move out, I can't do anything to stop you, and I don't think Mom or Dad could either."

"You could move out with me," he pointed out. "You don't have to stay here any more than I do."

"Are you kidding me? I do way too much around here-"

"Exactly!" John exclaimed. "You do too much. Even when we were Josie's age we were already helping around the house. Everyone should be pulling their own weight around here, just like we did."

"I can't just leave them," she said. "They've already dealt with so much, with Jill and Jinger going so far away."

"We'll stay in the area," he said. "Right here in town if you want."

Jana shook her head. "I don't know, John. I just can't."

He nodded and fell silent, not wanting to push her. They were quiet for a minute, and then Jana stood.

"I've got to get to bed. Mom and Dad will be back tomorrow morning and I'll need to get the kids ready."

"Okay," he said. "Goodnight."

She turned back towards the house, agitated. Of course she dreamed of moving out and having her own home, but it just couldn't happen. She had to be married, or she would spend her whole life living with her parents.

-

The morning dawned bright and early as Jana's phone trilled the alarm. She reached over Josie's limp body to turn it off and rubbed her eyes. She switched her lamp on and flicked through her journal, looking over plans for the day. 7:45 soon rolled around and she slipped out of bed to shower, turning on the lights in the room along the way.

She left the bathroom at 8, dressed and ready for the day. One by one, she went around the room waking up her sisters and pulling the blankets off of them. She picked Josie up and put her on the floor, knowing that she would stay asleep if she wasn't moved from the bed.

Next was the boys' room, where she merely stuck her hand in and flipped the light switch a few times before leaving it on. John's alarm would be going off soon and it would wake the rest of the boys up. Breakfast was last on her list, and she went downstairs to start cooking before James and Johannah came down to help her. Eggs were cracked, cans of biscuits were opened, and packages of gravy were whisked.

Hannie came in first and they worked in silence to make breakfast. James entered as they finished, and the ruckus of everyone else coming down the stairs trickled through the doorway as James went in and out, setting the table. Soon everything was cooked and ready, then quickly divided between fourteen plates.

"Make sure all of you complete your morning chores today," Jana reminded them as they ate. "Si and I will be going around with the checklists during lunch to make sure. Jed and Jer, you'll be picking up Mom and Dad at 11:00, so your chores need to be done before then."

The boys nodded, mouths full. As breakfast wrapped up, children began to scatter or scrape seconds and thirds together from the leftovers.

"Back here for school at 9:30!" Jana called after them. Only a handful responded, and Jana sighed as she ate the last of her eggs.

The day crawled by as Jana wrangled her siblings into order and attempted to stick to the schedule. They didn't fall behind until 10:30, which Jana considered a success. School was a juggling act, as she went over basics with the younger children and Josiah struggled to recall his own lessons to teach to the older siblings.

It only took until the third time Josie and Jordyn argued about who was in each other's space and the second time for Jackson to suddenly leave and return with a drink or snack for Jana to wish they had a real learning space. The dining room table may have worked in the past, but with so many graduated siblings going through the house doing their jobs, it made for quite a distraction. They had already attempted to move to the game room in the past, but the toys were even more tempting than the flow of people.

Jed and Jer fell behind on their chores quickly and left half an hour late to pick up their parents. As Jana went to check off their chores while the other children ate lunch, she rolled her eyes at the rushed and sloppy job they had done.

School resumed at 12:30 with a renewed focus that lasted half an hour.

"Can we make a banner for Mom and Dad?" Jordyn asked.

"They've only been gone two days," Jana sighed. "They don't need a sign. They need you to learn your multiplication tables."

"But it always makes Mom so happy," Jennifer whined. "She says she misses us sooooo much."

"I get to use the glitter!" Josie announced.

"No you don't!" Jackson protested. "It's my turn, you've done it the last two times!"

"I'll go get the paper!" Jordyn volunteered. She slid off of her chair and ran off before Jana could stop her.

Jason sighed and gathered his things. "I'll be in Dad's office."

She watched him go with a frown, wishing that a kid who wanted to learn such as him could have a real learning space.

"Can I go over to Jessa's?" Johannah asked. "She explains this math better."

"Yeah, its quieter there too," James said.

Jana sighed. "I'll call her and see if she's busy. Right now clean up all the school supplies. There'll be glitter everywhere soon."

The elder boys and Johannah were sent off to Jessa's house soon, and Jana took charge of the banner project.

"Why don't we measure how big we want to make the sign, then we can figure out how big to make each letter so it all fits," Jana suggested, trying to incorporate some math into the project.

"Nah, we've got it," Jordyn brushed her off. Jana bit her tongue in irritation and walked over to the house intercom.

"Josiah! I need your help in the dining room."

"Yeah!" the kids cheered. "'Siah! 'Siah! 'Siah!"

"Everyone be quiet!" Jana said, trying not to yell. "I'm letting you do arts and crafts instead of school, so you better behave."

Josiah came down the stairs and walked over to them. "Need my help?"

"It's arts and crafts time," she said curtly before leaving the room.

Jana's chores still needed to be tended to, and she was thankful that everyone else did a good enough job that she wouldn't have to go back over them. She made her bed and checked it off her list before she forewent her other chores in favor of some Bible time in the prayer room.

Day 13- When your plan isn't the same as God's

A lot of people think that their plan is the same as God's. What you have dreamed for your life may sound so right that you could very well think that it's what God has intended for you. But be careful, Christians. The devil is a wolf in sheep's clothing, and could be drawing you away from what God truly has planned for you. If things don't seem to be going your way, stop and take a look at your life. Are you trying too hard to make things work? Have you talked with God about what His plan is? Are you living for yourself and others, or are you living for Him? Remember this key phrase: to find JOY, your priorities must be like this- Jesus, Others, Yourself. Don't try to force your own plan and try to bend God's will when it is not what He has in store for you.

Jana put her head in her hands. She had tried so hard to not have any plans for her life, to let God guide her in all that she did. She felt that if she had her own plan, there was the risk of it going against God's, which would upset him. So she kept her head down, made no plans, and did as her parents told her.

But maybe doing nothing was against God. Perhaps her idleness was Satan taking her away from God's path.

"Jana!"

She rubbed her eyes and opened the door. "Coming!"

-

"Jana, Dad and I would like to see you and John David."

Jana nodded and put a smile on her face as she set down the dirty dishes in the sink and let Jason take over. She followed Michelle into the downstairs office where Jim Bob and John David were already sitting.

"Well, how were things while we were gone? The house is still in one piece," Jim Bob joked.

"Fine," Jana said. "The kids got their chores done every day and there was no arguing."

"I noticed that they didn't quite finish their schoolwork today," Michelle pointed out. "John, the boys seemed to get all of the yard work done. Were there any problems?"

"No, but I was at work all day. Jana really kept everyone in line," he said, trying to give her some credit. "I think the kids were just excited about you guys coming back today."

"Well, we've been talking with the producers about the next season of the show," Jim Bob said, changing subjects. "The ratings are a bit low, and they're trying to think of some interesting things we could do. John, we were thinking it's time for you to start a courtship. Everybody loves a bachelor story."

"I'm not getting married just to boost ratings," John said, irritated. "I don't even like being on the show in the first place."

"John, you know it's an important part of our ministry to have the show," Michelle reminded him. "So many people have come to know God because they've seen us on TV."

"I don't see why I'm necessary for that."

"I'm still single," Jana pointed out. "And so are Si, Jed, Jer."

"Jana, we need you around here," Michelle said in a sickly sweet voice. "This place would run to the ground without you! And the viewers just don't know the boys that well."

"Well start introducing them," Jana said, standing up. "I'm with John. I'm tired of being on the show. All anyone does is ask if I'm courting, then people gossip about how I'm a spinster and I sit around the house all day doing nothing. That episode about me in the first season did nothing. I don't want to be on the show anymore."

Jim Bob leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "Jana, this is unacceptable. As long as you live under this roof, you will be on the show."

John David stood as well. "Then we're moving out."

"What?" Michelle asked, flabbergasted. "John, it is not appropriate for a man to be living on his own."

"He won't be," Jana said, crossing her arms. "I'm moving out with him. Into our own house."

"No," Jim Bob said. "Absolutely not."

"Dad, we're almost 30. If Joy can get married before she's even 20, why can't we move out?" John David asked.

"No, John," Michelle said, shaking her head. "It's just not right. You live with your parents until you get married. It's what your father and I did, and it's what you'll do."

"You were 17 when you got married, Mom," John David pointed out. "That just doesn't apply to us. Times have changed and Jana and I are different than you guys."

Michelle shook her head. "You may go back to what you were doing."

Jana and John David left the office, feeling like small children.

"I'm still gonna do it," John David said as they went out to the garden. "I have my own money from the police department, and the show, and I'm still moving out."

Jana nodded. "I think it'll be good for you."

He turned to look at her. "Are you not coming with me?"

Jana shrugged. "I don't know. I would feel so bad if I just left all the kids here."

"The kids can visit, Jana," John David reminded her, growing frustrated. "You need to be out of here as much as I do. We need to start our lives."

"I know," she said. "Are we going to talk to them about it?"

"No," he decided. "We already told them we're moving out. If they ignore it, it's their fault. You say you're hanging out with Jessa this weekend, and I'll say I'm working and we can go looking for houses."

-

"So you're moving out?" Jessa asked as she nursed Henry.

"Yup," said Jana, rolling a ball across the floor to Spurgeon. "Sorry I'm not actually here to hang out, but I wasn't sure what you would think."

"I think it's great, Jana, really," she said earnestly. "You know, Jinger's down in Texas wearing shorts, you're moving out on your own, we're all changing. There's nothing wrong with it."

Jana smiled, relieved. "I hope it'll work out. I'll be more free now than ever for babysitting."

Jessa laughed. "Why don't you become a midwife? That's a great use of your time."

"That's more Jill's thing now," she said, shrugging. "I haven't practiced in years. All I do now is teach and pick up the slack around the house."

"Then why not start your own homeschooling business?" she suggested. "There's no way Mom will teach all of the kids after you move out. They'll still need you, and they could come over to your house."

Jana nodded. "It could work. Maybe include some other kids, like Sierra's, and Anna and Josh's. They're not used to teaching a bunch of kids at the same time."

"Yes! You could even get a degree!" Jessa enthused. "It's not bad to go to college. And that way you can turn it into a real business."

"I guess so," Jana said. "It's a lot to take in. I just want to move out first."

"I know," Jessa said. "We'll find you guys a great place today."

-

After listing Joseph's help, they eventually found a good sized three bedroom house. The master bedroom downstairs was large enough to convert into a classroom, and upstairs John David and Jana each had a room to themselves for the first time in their lives.

Once Joy and Jinger heard about the move as well, the two, plus Jessa and Joe, decided to help the twins furnish the house with items they no longer used, unnecessarily registered for, and treasures at thrift stores. Jill and Derick had firmly sided with Jim Bob and Michelle, and the topic was avoided in every conversation after that.

Five weeks later, Jana and John David were ready to move out of the house. They had informed Jim Bob and Michelle of the move out date a week before, but they had ignored it. It was slightly difficult to break the news to their younger siblings, but with the rest of their sisters having moved out, they accepted the idea quickly. The boys split their clothes easily, not particularly caring who got what, while Jana didn't have to divide clothes with any of her sisters since they were so much younger than her.

Josie had quickly claimed Jana's bed as her own and painted her name on the bed next to Jana's. The younger girls were excited to have the room to themselves, and there was talk of painting it pink since there were no older girls to accommodate anymore.

The first night was strange. Jessa and Joy and their families stayed until late, helping them set up the house. Almost everything was done by dark, and right before Jessa left, she gave them a present.

"It'll help with the quieter nights," she said, giving them both hugs. "I'm really proud of both of you."

The door shut behind her and Jana went to sit on the couch. John David set Jessa's present on the table and turned it on. Soft music floated out of it.

"You alright?" he asked, sitting next to her.

"Yeah," she said, giving him a small smile. "You?"

He grinned. "Just can't wait to see how long it takes for Mom and Dad to see how much you did and beg you to come back."

"Stop it," she said, rolling her eyes. "I hope the kids' schooling is okay."

"Jessa mentioned what she told you to do. Have you thought about it?"

"A little," Jana admitted. "I know there's nothing wrong with going to college. Do you think I could do online classes? Crown and Pensacola are too far away."

He nodded. "Of course you can. Why don't you ask Michael about it? Or Erin? They both went to Crown, I bet they could help you figure it out." Jana crossed her arms, thinking. "And in the meantime, you could have all the kids over here to homeschool them. Mom won't last long with all of them on her own, and I bet Anna would bring her kids over too. You two could split up the work that way."

"That's a good idea," she said, relieved that she would still be able to teach the kids. It was all going to work out.


End file.
